Wednesday, April 9, 2008

just keepin' it real

I first saw the term BLENVY on c jane's blog. The definition: blog envy.

We all know what it's like to be looking at someone's blog and slowly starting to feel ashamed of our loser selves that we are not as talented, our house is not as cute, we don't wear designer fashions, we didn't run 5 triathlons last month, our kids are not treated to extravagant outings, our husbands are not as thoughtful, we are not as spiritual, we don't make organic dinners every night and yadda, yadda, yadda....the list could go on forever, right?!?!

Well, let's be honest. It's not like we look through our photos and say, "Oh, I look run-down, obese and have 2 inch roots in this photo...I'm going to put it on my blog!"


"'s 3 in the afternoon and my son's still wearing no pants, and my daughter is in the same onesie from 3 days ago, my house is a pit and my breath stinks...I'm going to blog about it" (well, maybe I would?)

At any rate, sometimes it's nice to see a dose of reality every now and again. So, my brilliant friend Jenna came up with the Secret Shame tag. You have to think of 3 Secret Shames to post to the blogging world.

Now, I had a tough time with this one. I can think of a bunch off the top of my head, but who wants to know about my fascination with popping zits? Plus, I have already shared many shameful moments on my blog...lesbian hair, childhood pictures that should have stayed in hiding, my lowest motherhood moments, my varicose veins.

But lucky for all, I have MANY, MANY secret shames, so here are 3 more:

Secret Shame #1 - High School Ali

Now, I'm not ashamed of who I was in high school, just how I looked. There was a reason why BIG AL (my H.S. nickname) was every guy's "best friend". Who could blame them? The red hair, braces, fat cheeks, horrid make-up application, etc, etc. Darn you, cute friends of mine, for not rescuing me with a makeover. You were probably too busy getting asked to prom.

Mind you, these pictures barely make it out for Troy to see, so posting them for the blogging world is really therapeutic (or mortifying)!

It's BIG AL in the BIG APPLE! Nice doc Martins (most definitely a generic version!)

Get ready for the "nerdy chills"....
My junior year was spent in DC as a page for the U.S. House of Representatives. Thanks to cafeteria food, this hiatus away from my alma mater (go Eagles!) resulted in a 20 pound weight gain. I mean really, how good can you feel about yourself in a man's suit and tie every day?

If only I could get my hands on another denim ball cap and oversized jacket just like that...
I think my parents wasted 500 bucks on my senior portraits and to think that I handed them out proudly.

A date, you ask? two words: Sadie Hawkins
(and marie...are those moccasins you're wearing?)

Secret Shame #2
- I'm a Nosey Nellie

Yep, just last night I was peering through my blinds to get a peek at what the neighbors were up to. It was nothing eventful, but you never know when you may just be able to eavesdrop on a juicy argument or catch someone's indecent exposure. Thrilling, I know.

My most shameful (yet kind of amazing at the same time) nosey moment is when I broke the password code into an ex-boyfriend's email to spy on his ongoings. Needless to say, I got more information than I bargained for and in the end I was caught red-handed. Oops....I guess I shouldn't have opened those UNopened emails before he did.

Moral of the careful where you lay your journal when I'm around. I may not be able to resist.

Secret Shame #3 - Gross Smells

I'll smell anything once. In fact, sometimes it's fascinating to me how bad something can smell. What brings me even more pleasure is when I can enlist another smeller. This drives Troy NUTS. I'll say, "Here've GOT to smell this. It reeks!" He never complies with my wishes.

3 smells I find especially amusing:

Jack's feet after he wears Crocs all day.
Skin folds in Lucy's neck
Asparagus pee (don't pretend you've never noticed)

There you have it bloggers. All the secrets are out of the bag. Now I get to tag Sheena, Adrienne, Amy, and newcomer any others who are interested in the challenge.


Cory, Jenna and Calvin Broadbent said...

Oh Ali! You totally came through!!! I love you! I was trying to explain "stinky feet under heat" the other day (your identity remained anonymous) because it was that good. All of your secret shames brought back amazing memories...I was so uncomfortable about the email memory I started to sweat! I love you. Way to deliver.

merideth said...

oh you are so funny!! i am loving the high school pics. i am sure that suit and tie built lots of great character.
it was fun talking to you yesterday.

Heidi said...

love the hs pics. your shameful secrets were super entertaining--thanks for an early morning chuckle!

Heather Menlove said...

you are so funny!! loved it! you married the right person. troy use to fart & say "come on heath just smell it for fun". use that one next time you want him to smell something. sad to say i always smell the back of ady's ears. i know it's going to reek because all her spit up runs down her neck behind her ear. the over sized jacket i had one got to love old navy in the 90's.

rockkinrobbins said...

Way to start my day Ali. Good to know those things about you! I hated high school too. Hated what I wore, one day I might share.

Emily P. said...

Ali u never fail to start my day off with a great laugh. Love the stories!

tara said...

Ali. All I can say is, I knew you in HS and you weren't chubby cheeks! But -- after all, it's all about perception and 'how we felt'. So I feel ya. (I should post my 8th grade picture, braces and mini vampire teeth.!)

This just confirms to me that HS guys can be such jerks! For what it's worth, I always loved you b/c you were so nice to me and we call our "Allison" Ali, I can't say I just pulled that out of nowhere!

I remember when you went to DC, I thought that would be so cool, and secretly dreamed of doing it myself! (funny b/c I'm not much for politics, and never have been)

You're the best!

jayniemoon said...

Al this is the best kind of blog by far! Really, do any of us need any more "organic food/marathon and other reasons you suck" blogs to read? I laughed so hard at this--I'm proud to be your friend!

Anonymous said...

Dude, I had a pair of docs just like that! Sooo hip!

tracy said...

Ali - glad you found my blog. I've been stalking your blog for awhile too. Glenda offered to bring strawberries for dinner on Sunday because she said they are so good around her house. And I told her that you had blogged about them.

Amy said...

Love how your lipstick used to match your hair color. Is that why we never see you wearing lipstick these days!?! I bet its hard to find a good shade of blonde. Way to put yourself out there. You do it up right!

Carl said...

Ali you are a psycho. We had a lot of fun at the beach I hope you guys can say the same.

ali degraff said...

thanks carl. poor troy...i have a public forum that allows me to embarrass myself and him.

and no. we did not have fun at the beach because we drove half-way with lucy screaming bloody murder and decided to turn around and call it a day.

Lori said...

I am a new fan of your blog! My sister sent me the link yesterday & it's her favorite too. I know it's paradoxical based on what you just posted but I have blog envy from yours!
I was working on a similar post last week and didn't finish it yet. (I have to type while holding my sleeping baby) Whenever I finish lurking on blogs I feel like a total loser and horrible mother.
I realized that other people might come away from my blog feeling the same way....OR NOT.

So...2 weeks ago I took pictures of my messy house and began posting what a day in my life actually is. I was afraid to publish it for fear of being judged by the supermoms. Now I have to.

Ben and Shara said...

Seriously, what a great laugh! Something about those HS pics reminds me of college.

Hey remind me of the Edric story?

ali degraff said...

Shara - shhh...don't tell...those college days were even more embarassing!

Jana said...

We all have our horrible looks stages to go through... Maybe I'll post some of my more embarrassing ones sometime. And don't worry, I wore white eyeliner in my senior pictures... Seriously what was I thinking!

summer said...

These were great! I have pictures of myself that could put those to shame. You know how you used to be SUPER skinny? Well I used to weigh 20 more pounds than I do now and on a 5'1'' frame... thats A LOT! Ok- now back to your #3 on the list... I am weird with smells too! I double sometimes triple smell gross things. What is our problem? A few people have nick named me "Scratch and Sniff". Not that I scratch but remember those stickers? So funny! Thanks for this post.

summer said...

P.S. I am trying to figure out the connection with you and Tracy Bruce... please explain....

sheena said...

I am dying over this!! I love everything. Esp your lipstick and Kelly's mom jeans.

and thanks for the tag....I think I could do a shame-a-day blog.

Amy said...

How shameful! I love the pictures!

Garrett and Mindy Sessions said...

OK....This is the funniest post I've EVER seen!! I am laugh crying right now!!!

Kasey said...

You are really awesome. A very true and revealing post. Thank you, Ali!

Marie - Mother of the Bird Nest said...

Yes, those are moccasins and I LOVED them! Still do.