Friday, April 25, 2008

If you want to feel 50...

then join weight watchers.

Really people. I feel like I can officially slip on some Jordache jeans, or swap my purse for a fanny pack because now that I have joined the WW, I feel as though I have taken the leap...the next step into momhood.

It is not the actual WW program that makes me feel this way. It is the dreaded Saturday morning (7:30 am because I have a suckling baby and wild toddler and can't get there any other time unless my hubby babysits) weigh-in.

From the time I walk in that door, I am surrounded by middle-aged, out of shape women who are undoubtedly suffering from hot flashes and have come with a group of friends for moral support. Immediately I feel slightly out of place. I look for my file and approach the "weigh-in" desk only to be greeted by an overly-zealous "after" product of the WW program who will look me in the eye after I step on the scale and find a positive atta-girl/you'll-do-better-next-time comment for my +2 weight gain.

Then comes the fun part. The meeting. The gathering of fat souls, if you will.

The meeting is where you learn special skills to help you battle your weight problem. You can talk through your struggles and celebrate your accomplishments. Just last week I was awarded with another gold star for my 5-pound loss. I got to stand in the front. People applauded. People cheered. I felt good about myself.

Some of the meeting topics include: Staying the course, Avoiding pitfalls, Know your eating "triggers".

In my Saturday meeting there is one man. ONE MAN in this pool of estrogen who is at least 75 years old, skinny as a rail, and keeps a notepad with him to jot down tips from the lectures. Last week when talking about what we do when we feel an eating trigger come on, he responded, "I fix myself a warm cup of tea and sit down to watch a show until my mind is distracted from the temptation to binge."

Really mister? With all due respect, do you really know what it means to binge? Do you know what it feels like to have children pulling at your ankles, barf on your shirt, no time for a morning shower, and finally when you manage to get both kids asleep at the same time all you want to do is reward yourself with a dozen warm chocolate chip cookies for a job well done? I'm sorry, but warm tea is not going to cut it for me. Seriously!

This same 130-pound elderly man (bless his heart) raised his hand last week and said, "I found Sara Lee DeLIGHTful bread at costco for only $4.00. It's only one WW point for each slice." I admire his enthusiasm. Who knows...maybe he's lost 300 pounds on the program?

Last week I heard a confessional from a woman who attributed her obesity to her abusive home life as a child. Call me crazy, but I don't think I'd be sharing such information in a group of total strangers. I suppose WW can be a safe haven for all to unload their psychological baggage.

Well, all strangeness aside, the fact is...I have an after-baby muffin-top/dunlop that needs immediate remedying. This is what keeps me coming back. And I'll be honest...each time I go, I feel more part of the group. I love the little old man. He's endearing. I love the chubby moms all trying for the same goal. I love swapping recipes with the lady who's lost over 180 pounds. It is truly inspirational.

Now, if only I could love eating celery instead of cereal. Or cherries instead of chocolate chip cookies. Or fat-free mayo instead of french fries. Why? Why does it have to be SOOOOO hard?

If you have a healthy recipe/snack you'd like to share, please tell me. If you need to vent about your dieting can do it here too. This blog is a safe haven. Come one, come all.


MSGottfredson said...

I too joined WW after Allie was born. I also have felt so out of place at the meetings. And I get so frustrated at the over "zealous" lady when I loose less then a pound shots for joy! I don't think I will ever stop nursing, because I get so many points!

Oler Family said...

Ali, you are too funny! First of all I have to say that you look amazing and you are being way too hard on yourself. I'm not one to give advice here because I am a serious binge eater. I'm a girl that sits in front of the Tv with a bag of chips, watching the biggest loser feeling guilty about my eating habits. Good for you for going to 7:30 am meetings that's awesome! Pretty soon you'll be posting bathing suit pictures!!

Heather Menlove said...

oh ali this maybe my favorite post. i feel your pain. ady is 6 weeks older than lucy & we're probably at the same place. i have noticed that i get so depressed i do really good, & lose 10lbs, than i feel so good i eat bad. my eating bad is eating way too much. for me it's portion control or rather lack of. if only i could afford ww.

Amy said...

I have a mental image of this guy at your meetings, I would love to know what he actually looks like. Your description definitely paints a good picture. You'll do great and you'll be able to reach your goals. I know you can do it!

Lori said...

This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read. The picture of the doors is priceless! If it makes you feel better I still get second takes at my belly and if one more person asks me when I am due I will go postal on them.
There is literally a Kangaroo looking pouch around my c-section area.
Anybody have a really good plastic surgeon referral?
As for the healthy eating....the only idea I have for you is to try and go Vegan. It is body and life transforming. But if you want to actually enjoy the rest of your life...I recommend not depriving yourself of those cravings but just do them in tiny amounts. I eat every few hours in small amounts. (I have to or I get severe weakness)
I eat tons of fruit, and veggies. For snacks I do nuts. I will eat whole grain bread with nothing on it for snacks. My weakness is sugar, cheese,soda, and chocolate.
I used to have a secret drawer full of See's Chocolates when I needed a pick me up. I think it comes with being Mormon. Other people use alcohol to binge or self medicate and I have to use chocolate.

When I grocery shop I never buy soda, chips, or anything that will tempt me at home. I save those for special occasions. Whenever Travis does the grocery shopping he always brings home chips and all kinds of really yummy junk foods. I am like a ravenous animal tearing into the Dorritos bag, it's embarrassing.

Check out the "Mercy for Animals" website on my Charities Link-they have really healthy yummy recipes for Vegans.

Joe and Amy said...

Ali, Thanks for the laugh. You are seriously so funny!

I flew to Utah this past week and I saw and man and woman at the airport that I felt like I should know, but I couldn't place them. They were on the same flight as me, and I stared them down from afar the whole time. It occurred to me as I was driving with my mom and sister to my parent's home that they were YOUR parent's (I remembered their faces vaguely from seeing pictures of them with Lucy on your blog)! I wish I would have said something to them, even though they probably would have thought I was crazy! I was hoping they would be on my flight home so I could tell them, but they weren't. Small world!

Cory, Jenna and Calvin Broadbent said...

Hi dear! WW is great but I would save the $$ and get on It's the same tracking stuff and it's free. There may not be the meetings, but you can call me and we'll pretend.
My cute mother in law lost a bunch on WW--this is the blog of her "leader". It has a ton of recipes and point values. Good luck!

HEATHER D said...

Oh Ali you are my HERO. I know your pain of the WW gatherings. I have done it for so many years until I hit my thirties and realized that there is no hope for people OLD. For me anyway......YOU ROCK! Let us know how it goes for you. Congrats on that cute little Lucy. You are such a COOL mom. I LOVE reading your blog.
heather (cuz)

The Close's Place said...

Man Ali, If I had realized how stinkin' funny you were, I would have subscribed a long time ago. I seriously have just been reading for like 20 minutes and I'm laughing out loud, something I don't do that often (a shame I know) Thanks, from one mom of a newborn to another, thanks, I needed that :)

merideth said...

oh i am seriously dreading my body image after i have this baby....i think i will do the ww program or something. there has got to be a way to get the excess gone without having to cut it off.
i can't wait to see you this summer and beyond the summer....we need to make plans soon.
how is life with two kids...any more normal yet?

Marie - Mother of the Bird Nest said...

I love the doors Ali! Sorry, I don't think I have any low fat recipes. I mean is it really worth making if it's not high calorie? Ask Kelly, she has all the delicious healthy and yummy recipes. I love food too!

Marie - Mother of the Bird Nest said...

Oh, I went for my fourth run since Walter was born. I still feel very giggly and hurt when I run. Any pointers? You are doing awesome getting all those gold stars! Just keep eating strawberries. YUM!

UreFam said...

This is why there is WW online! However, I have to say after reading this, I am tempted to run right out and join a real people meeting.