Monday, October 22, 2007

The Sabbath Day

I LOVE Sundays...such a time for spiritual rejuvenation!

Here is how ours usually goes.

1:10 - Rip Jack abruptly out of bed (even though he finally just fell asleep) Quickly change a diaper, throw some clothes on him, and shove him in the car with a sandwich on the go.

1:15 - While Jack is screaming in the car, Troy and I scurry around gathering Sunday
lesson materials, diapers, sippy cups, entertainment for Jack (which we know will only occupy 2.5 minutes of his attention), and a check book for tithing. Now where the heck is that darned check book?

1:25 - Arrive at church faced with the decision between soft seats or overflow hard
seats. What is the debate, you ask? Well, on the one hand we can trap Jack in the soft seats, but when he decides to let out a shrill yell followed by slapping us in the face (usually during the sacrament prayer) it can be kind of embarrassing. The hard seats pose little threat of embarrassment, but Jack seems to think he has free rein of the entire cultural hall.

1:30 - Church begins. We take a risk on the soft seats.

1:35 - Jack is already pulling the "back arch" maneuver because we are trying to hold
him securely and peacefully in our lap. Crap. Where's the binky? Oh man, we left it in the car. Troy goes out to get it.

1:45 - By this time, we have used up all our resources. Now we have stood him up in
the pew to bother the family behind us. That usually buys us 5-10 more minutes of entertainment.

2:00 - By this time he has tried to escape 3 times, but run into a leg blockade which
has infuriated him! So...this is when we resort to the hallway for the remaining 1/2 hour of sacrament meeting.

Luckily, there are some other moms of pre-nursery kids who have banded together and decided to start a "pre-nursery class". Meaning, we trap the babies in a room and let them run wild for the 2nd hour of church. This is my saving grace, let me tell you! However, this Sunday Jack decided to have a blowout of MAJOR proportions! It was a 3-person job getting him stripped and changed, not to mention the rank smell trapped in that 7 by 7 room.

3:30 - Jack is now naked besides his diaper. Troy comes for the hand-off so that I
can go teach the Young Women. What goes on that hour...who knows? I just know by the look on Troy's face that it is JUST as taxing as the other two hours!

4:30 - Phew...we made it! Our cups spilling over the brim with spiritual enlightenment and a baby who NEEDS A NAP!


One happy, church-going family. Jack is dressed, fed, seemingly calm and happy. We are ready!


Parents are run RAGGED. Son looks rather proud of his accomplishments from the last 3 hours. Please clothes. (This picture is NOT staged)


jayniemoon said...

I love it!
Unfortunately, I can't relate because my kids sit quietly in their seats (soft benches--because we're ALWAYS early) memorizing the articles of faith. After they have passed off at least two, we let them read a bit of Isaiah before Sunday School. If Sac. is still not over, they can have a few whole grain crackers while they thumb through the hymn book while cross-referencing Isaiah.

ali degraff said... crack me up! Maybe one day I will be RS pres and my family will be as righteous as yours!

MSGottfredson said...

Oh my goodness, I was laughing so hard when I read this . . . I totally relate. Do you think it gets easier when we have our second? I sure hope so. What a great story.

merideth said...

you are so funny. i think i write that for each of your posts. but you really can tell it how it is. jack is such a cutie...i can't wait to see baby #2.

Heidi said...

I can tell you I loved wiping the poo off of his back while also trying to take off his shirt. Eyes watering and holding back the dry heaves. I also loved walking back in to the pre nursery room after retrieving Troy (room now smelling like a zoo) and seeing Amy holding Jack's legs over his head--bum being wiped by you. Then to top it off the cucumber melon hand sanitizer smell mixed in with poo was enough to send my senses fleeing the scene. I also quite enjoyed seeing Troy at various times in the hall 3rd hour with a delightful naked boy--who could have cared less that he had just made a record of the stinkiest poo I have ever smelled! I love you guys--you made my Sunday seem tame compared to yours.

The DeGraff 7 said...

Oh man I just had a serious feeling of very scary dejavu!! Try that X5! I am SO glad I am past that WAY passed that. I had 2 kids who had regular blowouts like that, I remember I ALWAYS had to have at least 2-3 extra outfits (especially in chilly N. Idaho) and I can't count how many bibs I went through with Spencer or more aptly titled "Baby PUKE"-yes that is what the ward named him. I feel you, boy do I feel you. At one point we had 3 in diapers and 1 in a pull up! I am exhausted just remembering it. I had a party the day I could quit carrying a diaper bag-really, I'm not kidding! I was SO excited, I told everyone, and they just looked at me like "What kind of drugs are you on?" This makes me even more grateful Chloe started 1st grade this year and I actually look forward to church now, well it's still kinda stressful getting 7 people out the door, but in comparison, WAY EASIER! I will continue to pray for health and strength for you my dear-your awesome keep up the great work!

Ben and Shara said...

Seriously, some Sundays are like that. I laughed, with two it gets even better.

Celia and Scott said...

Ali, it DOES get better. Henry used to be a total nightmare. He still has his moments but he's pretty good in church. Just start praying (and fasting) now that Jack will like nursery and your problems should be solved. (At least until #2 arrives, grows up a little, and the hellish cycle starts all over again.)

Jay Sessions said...

As Jack's grandparents we simply CANNOT relate to a thing Ali is saying. None of our kids ever pulled that...least of all Ali.......NOT.

We have been recycled into Nursery last Sunday for just one hour and we were soooooo worn out after tending about a dozen little angels aka brats. Actually they were not too bad....not one fight.

I was proud to teach them sharing by having them feed the grandpa....directly from their snotty little hands to my open big mouth. I came home and immediately took an Airbourn since I felt I had picked up every disease known to man.

We do it again next week and for several more....if we survive. The goodies are GR-8.


Grandparents...still in training....trying to recall

Amy said...

You nailed it! All except for the blowout we have never had one in church (knock on wood) just while flying in coach sandwiched between a window and a really over sized man. Only a few more months until nursery!!! I tell you the hard seats are where its at for us. That and the fact that we normally show up a 1/2 late to sacrament. Thats not a good thing, but thats what saves the peace.

summer said...

Seriously Ali- You are a crack up! I thought this was so funny and sounded all too familiar! Why is your after picture still so cute though????

Adrienne said...

Oh Ali, I am wiping tears from my eyes as we speak! I had to read this out loud to Jim...he even chuckled. And then your friend Jaynie's comment made me laugh even harder!

There are some sundays where Jim and I look at each other, like "why the crap are we here?"

And I think the "back arch" manuever is universal to all kids....Ezra has mastered it, i tell ya. The best is when he does it and just knocks his head into my chin--that's good times for both of us.

Anyway, hi-larious post....and the picture (Troy's expression in particular) absolutely killed me!

Chad said...

As Amy said you should look into showing up a little late to church... it buys you 15 - 30 minutes of "wrangling" outside of church and who's going to get upset at you when you have a pre-nursery but post-carseat baby and you're pregnant. Any member of the bishopric who dares take on that is asking for it... Speaking of being pregnant, are you sure your Widget is working? You've been stuck in the 130's for months now. We're sub-60 and freaking out a bit, still no name. Hurry and catch up.

Melissa said...

Oh man! I admire your dedication, some people would just stay home. The family picture is just too cute - especially knowing the story in between. It may not have been funny when it was happening, but it sure is now. Just think - you'll have sweet revenge when Jack is older and has a girl he wants to bring home to meet the family. You can fill her in on all the details. Wait, that might be cruel...make sure its the girl he's going to marry.

sheena said...

Isn't it funny how unrestful the "day of rest" really is???

I love Heidi's detailed description of the poo fiasco....all those smells.

Last week Jonah snuck away. under the benches. during the high council talk. and went up ON the pulpit.

I made Robby go get him.

ali degraff said...

Adrienne - Yes...i am familiar with the chin butt!

Chad & Amy - We are going to put some serious thought into the whole 15 minutes late thing...maybe 20, or 50...or 3 hours for that matter.

Wilson said...

I'm sorry Ali but that is the funniest thing I have ever read! You put it perfectly. For anyone that has or has had a child from the ages 1-2 will understand. Thanks for the great laugh and the thought knowing that I am not the only one

Amy said...

This was definitely an experience. I don't think I'll ever forget sticking my nose right up to Jack's butt before we realized he'd blown out and smelling the most awful smell in the whole world! I'm glad that I was there to help hold his legs over his head for the perfect wiping position. I love making memories with friends!

Monica said...

Well I remember Troy more like in the old picture you have posted a few posts below and haven't talked to him in years but I am happy to have found your cute family through Heather. I must say I love this comment and it is nice to know we are not the only ones breaking a sweat for church and contemplating every Sunday if we should just go inactive for a few years! Great pictures and I hope you don't mind if I check out what you guys are up to once in a while.
See ya!
Monica (Statham) Giles